In the world of news often you run into what is called a SLOW NEWS DAY. This is when government activity is temporarily halted, holidays occur, and vacations happen. Or no terrorists got out of bed in the morning or typhoons decided not to swirl around in Indonesia. Thusly, even for all us regular real estate bloggers you've talked about one Open House not working too many. This calls for reaching into your bag of tricks and relying on the old standby, humor. Luckily for me it is not only standby, but stand up. Like in a part time job. How do you think I keep this real estate gig floating? Anyway, that's a story for another day.... Here's a contemporary take on an old joke.... ENJOY. And don't take everything so darn seriously : )
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road???
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue
with all the chickens on the other
side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road This experience makes me uniquely
qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every
chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
cross the road. But then, this really isn't about
me.......
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on THIS
side of the road before it goes after the problem on the
OTHER SIDE of the road. What we need to do is help hi m
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is
having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road
so bad.
So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes
and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life like the res t of the other
chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.
There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have
not yet been allowed to have access to the othe r side of
the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was
misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it
now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to
sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No
little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why he crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth? That's why they call it the "other
side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if
you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side." That chicken
should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and
that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of
molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of
crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much
more stable and will never cra. ..#@&&(C%
.........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white?
We need some black chickens.
Blog appreciated, but I need to read these and forward to my grumpy constituents. Thanks for this blog
David: Forward away, and turn some grumpy's into some happy heads!
Gary, thanks for the grins! You share all sorts of news don't you! Keep up the good work.... I always look forward to your posts. I am behind on reading and responding.
Becky: I always appreciate your comments. We are all way too busy. I vote for three days of work a week, and four day weekends. Wouldn't that be a cool idea?
Oh Gary, yes it would. I have had an extremely busy and fruitful day. I must say I am extremely tired tonight. Don't get me wrong I am not complaining.
How clever are you? Those are really great. Ernest Hemingway and Grandpa are my favorites!
Gary- Is this what you typically do on a slow newsday ....LOL ;) Some of these I found pretty funny.....like Audrey I liked Granpa :)
This is the kind of change that can only take place if it starts from the bottom to the top. Starts within our hearts, each and every individual, and not in the pocket. I think our country is headed for some hard times. Lu
Very funny! Hey, I'm going to be in DFW Texas most of July - maybe we can meet for coffee.
Gary: I'm getting very confused. Maybe I'm getting tired or sleepy. Did you write all of these? Inquiring minds want to know......... Am I the only one who is confused here? BTW: Hillary was my favorite... not that she is my favorite... not at all... but the quote given for her was perfect! :)
Gary, my complaint about this blog is that crazy dancing chicken made me dizzy! Otherwise it was fun and I enjoyed the relevant comments! : )
Audrey: There's a few choice ones in there for sure : )
Kathy: Grandpa's was a good one.
Lu: I think your comment on this blog went with another, or I got confused Lu.
Margaret: Glad to hear you'll be back in town and I'd love to meet you. Just keep me posted in June to July. Coffee sounds great.
Jan: This was a joke passed along to me. I don't know who the author was, but they were pretty clever.
Barbara: I changed the picture for you. That crazy moving chicken needed to move on out of there : )
Gary, you had me LROL, they got better towards the bottom. So really, why did the chicken cross the road? Now I won't be able to sleep tonight, argh.
Duane: What can I say, it is just an age old question.
Gary, LOL, I do have to say, Henrietta is one hot chick! Of course that could be the heat from the asphalt!
Chicken Horoscope... that would be ME!
PISCES (February 19 to March 20):
Pisces chickens are dreamy and sensitive. They are blessed with deep intuition and a wealth of emotion. Pisces are romantic, creative and full of love with a potential for great happiness and lasting joy. Their imagination is so strong that it frequently merges with fantasy. They usually cross because they had a vision telling them that this is the means to the happiness they are striving to achieve.
LOL... thanks Gary. This is a perfect end to a long day! I love it.
Duane: Hot chick. Good one!
Alyce: Now I know. Of course. Makes perfect sense.
Arina: Now where did you find that version of the horoscope? That has to be YOU of course, dreamy and intuitive. Romantic and full of love. That was great. My mother AND mother-in-law are both Pisces.
Jesse: Glad I could help out at the end of a day.
LOL Gary..This is hysterical!Love those slow news days!
BLRGUY
BLRGuy: We all need to lighten up. Hope this helped.
Gary,
I didn't see Gary Woltal's reason why the chicken crossed the road! LOL, Thanks, Fran
Fran: That's one I won't include. I don't think I could be as clever as all these.
Gary-Nice post to add a little humor to our day.
Rich: Keep those smiles going. Pass them along! : )
Gary - these were hysterical! The last 6 though really got me going! Hhmmm...it made me HAPPY!
Leesa: Glad you are having a happy day today. Enjoy it.
I absolutely loved this. Thanks for making me laugh! It was great! Thanks for sharing!
Nannette: Glad it was a good one for you.
LOL It's okay to enjoy a little even handed political incorrectness every now and again. Chickens are a protected class, aren't they?
Rosario: I think you are right about chickens being a protected class. I guess no political jokes about them, right? : )
Some more answers:
From my teenaged son: IDK. He's stupid. Who Cares?
From my husband: Can that checken get where he is going already?
From the realtor: Where ever the chicken wants to be is fine, as long as he buys from me!!
Thanks for the chuckles, Gary!
Carol: Some more great ones, thanks. We should add to the list as we think of them. I think today's teenager would also say, "Whatever!, just cross the road."
Gary...I just found this! Do you mind if I copy it? please,please
Joan: No problem, it was a forwarded joke sent to me in an email. Have fun with it! : )
Oh my gosh that was funny - now if I could memorize only 1/2 of those it might make for interesting conversation at a dinner party! ;-)
Liz: This one would be hard to ad lib, but if you were giving a speech at a dinner event, you could pull out a piece of paper.
Gary
Very good you have some great stuff here thanks so much for sharing.
Gary - very cute! I love your humorous side!
Gary: I just cannot believe your name is Gary Rocks, how cool is that?
Carol: I have to break up my pattern from time to time.