How many Psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- Just one. But the bulb has to really WANT to change.
Change is VERY HARD. Don't fool yourself in this area. With Realtors at our office, some video tape their listing presentation with a coach to evaluate their own nuances of their pitch. Do they mumble? Are they organized? Do they look professional? Do they have a smile in their voice?
If you have ever listened to presentations from alcoholics or members of their family where they have battled this affliction, all of them say you have to want to change as step one. If that never happens, NOTHING will change.
Which brings me to the subject of BLIND SPOTS. In driving, those are those hidden areas you can't see with your mirrors. You literally have to put more effort into checking things out by turning your head around.
In life, we all have blind spots, either that we bury and refuse to believe or are unaware of. With the denial blind spots we have to grow to accept our limitations and flaws.
With what we are unaware of we need to grow with the help of friends and their observations about us. If 9 out of 10 people say you are loud and boorish, guess what? You just may be loud and boorish!!
The key to overcoming your blind spots is to interact with many people all the time. Then do some acute listening. Your world will bounce off the walls of their world. Then pay attention and take action to understand yourself and make some life mid course corrections.
We don't need to have blind spots. Turn around and listen to your friends. That's why they are called friends. I am convinced they are not there by coincidence. They are there to help you. I had a bad habit of interrupting people years ago before they finished talking which another salesperson pointed out to me. I don't do that anymore.
Have you corrected any blind spots you had? What were they?
How interesting! We do have to want to change before change will take place and if we are not aware of where we need to change to improve ourselves it will not happen. Thanks for sharing your ideas.
Gary,
I don't have any blind spots...I can see right through myself!!! LOL Thanks, Fran
Gary - I am reminded of a quote that is very good, but not easy -- "Embrace your critics - for they show us our flaws." I also like another quote which says, "Try to keep your list of enemies down to five. If you get more than that -- take one of them out to lunch."
Us psychologist refer to this as insight. If we lack insight into our own behavior then it is very difficult for change to occur. Good post.
Gary, I would say most people have a blind spot where their children are concerned. I know I certainly do. I think new love is a BIG BLINDSPOT. Once the infatuation wears off and you can see things more clearly, it's often a wonder what the attraction was in the first place.
Laura: Acknowledgement and awareness, two things that greatly help change.
Fran: You are my model. Total transparency : )
Kevin: Our critics are great for us, if we give ourselves a little time to listen to them. That other quote about the enemies is great. Who needs more than five?
Stacey: I love insight. And all these commenters have way more than I will ever have. That's why I value them (and YOU) so highly.
Susan: Wow, you came up with two good ones!! Parents, particularly mothers always think there darling kiddos are angels even though they can be out there and into mischief. Early love in that infatuation phase fits that "love is blind" category. That's why it is so dangerous for rushing into marriages. You see that with the rebound relationships. You have to live with the toothpaste cap off on the bathroom counter and the socks on the floor, and the toilet seat up and then the Prince Charming effect is long gone. Great insight!
Gary, LOL on "Wanting" to change, so true. Great post, that's what friends are for! Hey, if we could put a tune with that we may have a hit song, not sure who we would get to sing it. Grin
I talk too fast. I'm lousy with directions. I talk with my hands, too. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Aren't we all a work in progress?
Duane: Friends really can help us out if we listen to them.
Kelly: I appreciate your honesty. We are indeed all a work in progress. I know I have miles to go.
Gary - Another good joke. Personally, I embrace change. My dad was relocated three times when I was a kid and then I have relocated with my husband 5xs. I guess this conditioned me to accept change well. In the corporate environment I was always the employee open minded to manager's decisions to change policies and procedures. When the going got rough, when other people quit I would always stick with it, knowing that change was probably on the horizon - and it usually always was. I guess that's why I haven't had problems in this market because I have learned how to change with it.
Is this why Realtors like to drive convertibles?
Good post Gary, always good incite.
Carol: I think that those that practice change and embrace change all along handle it just much better. If you are very social and are around a lot of people there probably aren't any blind spots you don't know about. You must have been more tougher mentally than those associates that bailed. A good characteristic to have in real estate : )
Andre: Yes some Realtors have those convertibles. Does that give them more visibility? : )
Duane: I added the song for you. It fits this post!! : ) Pay attention to all those GREAT friends you find out in the world.
I interrupt everyone too. How did you learn to change. It just comes out without me thinking. Did you hold your breath and count to 10
Judy: I still have trouble with interruptions on the phone but in person I do allow better for pauses. Glad to know I'm not the only one that had that problem Judy.
Gary, So true, but the problem all too often is that many people will not listen and/or be introspective. I used to do the same as you. Too often than not I was finishing people's sentences & sometimes not, but it was still rude and I've learned as well.
Marc: Yes, talking over other people is rude even though not intentional. Just a bad habit.
Carole: It's that outside perspective that is so valuable to all of us. True friends will tell you your face is dirty. Duane inspired me to find a song for the post so I added it.
Gary, I think you are my own personal blogger! Every day, you come up with one more post that speaks to me! And you did it again with your reminders of blind spots - a reminder that is exactly what I need today! So merci beaucoup!
Gary: I just can't picture you interrupting anyone. I've had that problem too. I have many other blind spots that I have been working on... one step at a time. None of us are perfect, but we can strive for it.
P.S. I'd like to have a convertible. No more blind spots!
Pat: I like that personal blogger. Is that like a personal valet? : ) Hey, we all have those blind spots, and I am trying to find out if I have more I need to work on. You are welcome, and I will keep coming up with something that might speak to you. Listen to your friends. They won't lead you astray.
Gary, we had a coaching class on change today. It's hard to make those changes when you have set patterns but it it possible if you want it enough and you have the tools to make it happen. Great post.
Debbie: Thanks for your feedback from your coaching class. They say it takes something like 21 days to make a new habit, so it is no wonder that breaking the old pattern is so tough. Thank you for your comment. I so appreciate it.
Pam: Awww, you are such a sweetie, they all would just love you to death. Nothing to fear.
Gary
Good post. I always am reminded of when I quit smoking. That was a big change. I think the key is you have to want it first...then make the covenant with yourself ,and the man above. Then just do it!
Trey: Great point on WANTING IT. That strong drive and determination is a good point to launch from prior to the covenant you spoke of.
I worked for a residential program for young men and women (okay...all ages) reintergrating back into the community. When it comes to wanting ...yeah ...that's the first step....wanting and taking that first step is another barrier to overcome. So many times people have the "information" but refuse to stray from what is comfortable...even if detrimental to their very being.
Same for anything else in life. Gotta want it...then put it into action...over and over and over ...and continuously....
Okay...been a couple of days and I'm going wild on commenting :) :)
Now when you say blind spots, are you looking for just one.... or do you have an hour or so for a cranky 'ol horses ____.
Self-awareness is a hard concept for some to grasp... It's something I work at daily.
Turn around and listen to your friends. Wise words Gary. A true friend will tell you the truth. Listen to them.
Sally: You reiterated what another said about the strong desire for something. It sure does provide the motivation you need to get to the next step. Great observation. And you can be wordy anytime. I like your thoughts. Blogger gone wild. That's funny.
Jesse: You just need to surround yourself at the local bar with all your friends and they can do a Roast on you with all your blind spots. Do you have several hours? ; )
Kris: I keep listening intently to all my friends. They usually never let me down with their comments. I just wish they were more gentle. I have too many brutally honest friends.
Susan: I am so happy you know your Mom is the one you can turn to in order to get the straight scoop about yourself. We need someone like that in our life that is a steady compass and doesn't beat around the bush with us. I know. Ouch! But it is a good cleansing for someone to tell us about ourselves as it really is. Someone from the outside (particularly a Mom) can make you open your eyes and get back to flying straight. I'm sure you do that with your sons as well.
Blind Spots - what a great wya to look at it - and a lesson I can share with my teenager! We call it "filtering" as we discuss the issue of just "Blurting" out and interrupting folks!
Wow, Gary - this is a deep one for me. Hold on, let me finish and stop interrupting! ;) Seriously though, I can't even broach this one - I am way too into listening to my own heart and head than those of friends. NO ONE YELL AT ME! Way too many bad experiences with friends - REALLY BAD! There is one friend I have that has the Blurting Teenager above and I do very much value her opinions and advice. But, she is one of VERY few!
Hi Gary, Yes, indeed I have a fair amount of blind spots! I'm impatient!! I'm a monster when I don't get my way!! What can I say, I'm a working on this...really!! Having children has helped with patience, somewhat.
Thanks for this one Gary!!
Oh so very true.......we may bristle when our friends say something 'hinting' or not.....! About our blind spots.....but if we pay attention it can so change how people hear and see us........Who doesn''t want to polish up the presentation......whether it be our clients, family or friends?
Eleanor: Blurting out is not intentional, but a bad habit (blind spot) that we can correct.
Leesa: Glad you found at least one that you value their opinions. Listen to them.
Yvette: You'll have to set the example for those young ones. I'm sure some days are easier than others.
Liz: I like your term about polishing ourselves. Very good.
We can always make changes to become better people and I feel like there is something I can always improve on!! It's a lot of work but it definitely begins with the desire to change first and foremost!
Great post...kinda crazy. I just got doen reading George Tallabas' "Embracing Change and reaping the benfits" blog right before clicking on this. With the topic so obvious and people writing about it, you can't help but change!
Patricia: You have to want it! Very astute on your part.
Casey: Make the change for the better. We can all do it.
Lynn: Keep listening. There is much truth in what others that we trust are telling us.