In real estate parlance you will hear many talk of keeping up with the Joneses. People at work get promotions and buy bigger houses and better cars, and they want to likewise. How superficial in life is that? But I see something far more insidious in that in life and that is trying to "be" someone else.
Motivational speaker and writer Pat Williams wrote a book about basketball great Michael Jordan. It was entitled, "How to Be Like Mike." While the premise of the book about lessons in success from a basketball star's journey had some merit to it I have always hated that title.
Many people look around the world at others with their charm, success, humor, intelligence, good looks, band of friends, connections and want to be in that crowd and like them. They completely discount what they have to offer themselves. Somehow they feel they fall short and they are inadequate. I have great sadness for them when I see that. I see it far too often.
Comparing yourself with other people will ALWAYS make you miserable. It has to be stopped. It denies your uniqueness in the world and the gifts you have that make you special.
More than that, I think it is the #1 distraction you can have in your mind that wastes more of your time looking at someone else and not developing and growing yourself to your full potential. It REALLY gets your eye off the ball. Why? Because you are looking at someone else and trying to be like them. Looking at another's good points and developing them in yourself is fine. But don't ever want to be them! You are YOU!
Even in social blogging, some may have been at it longer than you and have accumulated "more points." In Realtor offices, some are more veterans with more years under their belt. DO NOT LET ANY OF THESE PEOPLE INTIMIDATE YOU!! I speak for all the newbies of the world. A secret for you: "They are no better than you." In fact, you may be far superior to them in so many areas of your life. Embrace them and congratulate them for all they offer. But please, don't be them. You are denying the world everything that is in the beautiful you.
Remember you are the gift you came to give the world. You are nothing less than a treasure. Honor that gift by just being You. Find your "internal" compass and follow that, not someone else. YOU is what the world needs to see each and EVERY day!
Gary, great post. I think a lot of newbies will appreciate this. it's hard not to be intimidated when they see how many points some one may have, but I agree with you.
Gary ~ Good post! I love the picture of the baby. I totally agree with you and can't help but think of the teenage girls who try to hold themselves to models and celebrities (i.e. looks, weight, etc.). Everyone has something to offer, they may just not realize it yet.
Gary, soooooooo true. We learned this leason early on in our marriage (thank God)....we had good friends who were the same age as us, had 3 kids like us, and my husband and him made basically the same amount of money. The wife and I were stay-at-home moms/wifes. But they always seemed to handle their money better and do better than us....new car every couple years, bought a house, new furniture. It turned out he was embezzaling money from the bank he worked at to cover this....but we did not know that during the time of course You never know what's going on in the Jones' closet!
Peter: Newbies in any area of life have to start with some confidence inside. Even if it takes positive affirmations in front of the mirror. We all are very great people if we just believe it OURSELVES.
Kathy: Very good point. Teen peer pressure is probably one of the first areas where this starts. Striving to be the best is good. But the standard has to come from within you.
Mary: Keeping up with the Joneses is never a good philosophy. Like you said, you don't know what is going on under the covers. It is so much more natural to just be yourself too. Wow embezzling money. You just have to scratch your head on that one, and hope later in life they can live better lives (if they are not in jail for a long time).
What is this preoccupation with points. If this points talk continues, I'll be forced to tell
"THE OATMEAL STORY".
Gary, I do hope this helps newbies and even oldbies to just get on and blog! There are so many instructions for them on what they need to do, I'd sure be intimidated :) Now of course I want to hear THE OATMEAL STORY. :)
Lenn: If anyone should give counsel on points, we need your take on it. I just read of this intimidation factor by people on Active Rain like a month into it and they are in "fear" of all these people with mega points. Maybe that is a downside of the point system rather than it boosting us to write more often. You'll have to re-tell your Oatmeal story. It sounds like something well worth waiting for.
Carole: See, you have heard from early on Rainers the same thing, like there are some kind of god writers out there. We ALL are just people here. So maybe Lenn will set all our minds at ease with her story.
Gary - This is a stellar post, and I am going to flag it for a feature. I could not agree more with the points you made here (pun somewhat intended). I learned awhile back that comparing myself to others leads to disappointment.
Gary,
I agree! One of the biggest problems people have is lack of self confidence and a poor self image!!! Thanks, Fran
Hi Gary-wonderful message here. If we all just let go and focus on being the best we can be at what we love doing, we will succeed.
Jason: You gotta be you, so absolutely true. I love how you like your agents in your office to have a sense of humor, which fits the model for you. You couldn't live with the sour pusses. It would bring you down. Thanks for thinking of me with a feature post idea.
Fran: You always nail it on the head. Confidence and a GREAT self image will take you many places. Thank you for all your nuggets of wisdom.
Cathy: The best us and passion. You will go far with that. Exactly right.
Howdy Gary
Puting on airs is something that I have never been able or every wanted to do.
If folk's can't accept me for being myself, then that is their loss and not mine.
No one should ever want a make believe life.
Beside folk's that go through life not being their self, ain't foolen anyone but them selves.
You have written very good points for folk's to think about.
Gary,
Tell Lenn I'm going on 'blogging strike' until I hear 'The Oatmeal Story'!!! LOL Thanks, Fran
Dale: Glad you don't put on airs. Why would you even want to be someone else? Must be lack of self esteem. People need to be pumped up that they are wonderful and ok in their own right. Got to keep writin' to get people to thinkin'. That's my thing.
Fran: Yes, Lenn has intrigued us all with her wisdom. We are going to have to track down that story. Can't have you on strike. I need more daily baseball analogies :)
Gary--Learning to be yourself and love what you have to offer without comparing is one of those great life lessons....best learned as early as possible. Good post as always! :)
Gary, great message. When we wish we were someone else we obviously can't "be" them, but what is not so obvious is that we can't be ourselves either.
Gary: I recently had a conversation with a fellow agent whom I think is awesome--he said to me, "I want to be like Mr. Brown (I'll keep the name private!)--no, really, I want to BE Mr. Brown!" Absolutely astonished, I was interruped by a passerby and our conversation was changed abruptly and I could not let him know that I feel that he is going to be FAR more successful that Mr. Brown. You see, I KNOW Mr. Brown; Mr. B has very poor communication skills--builders have 'fired' him for not selling their properties in a timely fashion, after having a nightmare cross-sale with him, I KNOW why--he does NOT return phone calls! He doesn't even communicate with you when you let him know that you have a client that has WRITTEN AN OFFER! He is simply FAR too busy to respond to anyone! How he is 'successful' is beyond me! Honestly, I think that my fellow agent friend has far more capacity to be even more successful because of his excellent communication skills. In this market, we MUST communicate.
Anyway, I digress, I have thought about this conversation numerous times this week and now really do need to relay to him the next time that I speak with him that he has more potential than Mr. B and to NEVER feel inferior to ANYONE!
Gary~ I could never understand why people want to be like someone else or are jealous of others, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
You can't be happy in life unless you are comfortable with the skin you are in and happy with yourself FIRST.
Being true to yourself is important and trying to be like someone else is a waste of energy!
That baby photo you used is beautiful! Where did you find it? Oh! That is your grandchild, isn't it??????
HERE IT GOES
Three Monks who took a vow of silence except to only speak in turn once every three years AND to only eat oatmeal.
After one year, the first Monk said "I love this oatmeal".
After another year, the second Monk said "I hate this oatmeal".
After another year, the third Monk said, "I'm sick of all this bickering about oatmeal".
GARY, Thank you. Very valid point & well taken.
Have a great night!
Teri: It almost is like being totally integrated with yourself, and comfortable in your own skin. It seems to easy, but you look around and many people do not have this part down well. I like your phrase "love what you have to offer." That is what you have to believe strongly.
Charles: The great distraction. By being them, time is not spent on being us. STOP THAT!!
Debe: Go for it. The fact that the Mr. Brown story has stewed inside you for awhile to me means you know it is true. The fellow agent NEEDS your boost, your encouragement that they are better. And then just point out the strength they have of strong communication skills. You will turn a life around and launch a ship. The only thing missing now is for you to light that candle of encouragment.
Vickie: To thine own self be true. Another great point wasting energy being someone else. Who wants to waste energy. That baby was an Internet photo but a cutie for sure.
Lenn: I love the long awaited oatmeal story. Terrific. I love monk jokes. Now Fran can come off strike.
Yvette: You are welcome. Have a great evening as well.
I remember when I joined Active rain.......just 3 1/2 months ago.......wow seems longer.......that was one of the themes of a post you had.......one of the first ones I ever read ....and it touched me! The uniqueness of me! I have to admit i get trapped by comparisons all the ime.........and you're absolutely right - it sucks up more time and energy and motivation than just about anything else.............sometimes its hard to look at yourself objectively. It seems like you can see everyone else's assets or achievements............and so often when I look at myself I see all the 'underachievement'...hmmm
Liz: See, you've heard of repeats on TV. Maybe this was a Gary repeat re-spun a different way but the same message. Don't think underachievement. You are judging yourself harshly. Think of you being wonderful. Terrific. Exactly ok where you are RIGHT NOW. Hey, we all are a work in progress. You and I know each other better than 3 1/2 months ago. You have been in the Week In Review. You write some of the best articles on AR, by far!! DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS with a critical eye. You are VERY UNIQUE. Trust me, I know these things. I don't think I know a more detailed person (or Forrest Gump expert) than YOU!!!
Gary,
Great Post. I think all of us struggle with this to some degree from time to time, if we are truthful. Occassionally I'll write a post that I am pleased with and then there are the others. The ones that are most pleasing are the ones that come from the heart, emotions, or an AH HA moment. Something that I am eager to share with a friend, the members of AR. Thank you for sharing.
Gary..........a midnight pep talk for me! Detailed.......hmmm......digging digging...research...........I just did one on Croatian trivia....I'll post tomorrow.....Thankyou.......kind sir..........:-)
You must have read Og Mandino's books. Am I right? Great post!
Derenda: When we are most like ourselves and not someone else, I think that sense of us being genuine comes across strongly. Others call it transparency. It does open us up to being vulnerable with all those consequences. But it is the most honest. It is the most powerful statement we give from within. And probably looking back on what you've written, it may be your best stuff.
Liz: I always look forward to what you find. This one should be interesting. Croatia has so much history behind it. I see your mind is spinning in the wee hours of the morning. That is when you do your best work it seems.
Michael: I have read Og Mandino's books in the past. Maybe some of the thoughts and principles from what he wrote have sunk into my subconscious.
Gary - I agree, it's all about doing your "personal best" - it's a term I have used since my daughter was a distance runner in high schools. Runners learn to compete with the focus on beating their own best record!
Carol: That term "personal best" or PR personal record does come from running. We really should be competing against ourselves all the time. That is the most healthy. It's great you instilled that in your daughter.