At Christmas or after a birthday celebration you can always go back to the store and exchange a present that is the wrong size or you want a different color or for that matter even get an entirely different gift. In our conversations with our business clients in speaking or writing, our friends and family, even our fellow bloggers, choice of words is important. Words are powerful!!
THIS IS SOMETHING YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK.
I read this story from another inspirational writer that I thought captured this very well:
"There was once a man who loved to gossip. He loved the attention it brought him, and could not stop himself from speaking about others, sometimes sharing the good they did, but most often sharing the mistakes they made.
"In time, however, he realized the harm his speech was causing and he sought to make amends. He went to his rabbi and explained the situation, and asked how he could make amends.
"The rabbi thought for a moment and instructed the man to go to the marketplace and purchase two of the finest feather pillows he could find. He should then take the pillows to the top of the mountain overlooking the village, tear them open, and spill the feathers into the wind.
"The man was surprised and pleased at the rabbi's advice. He thought repentance would be much harder than this. So he ran to the marketplace, purchased his pillows, and within an hour had scatter their feathers to the wind.
"He returned to the rabbi all aglow. He was ready to be forgiven for his gossiping. Not just yet, the rabbi told him. There was one more thing to do. He had to return to the mountain and repack the pillows with the feathers that he had scattered.
"'But that's impossible,' the man said. 'Those feathers have gone everywhere, there is no way I can take them back now.'"
"The rabbi nodded solemnly and said, 'What is true of the feathers is true of the words. Once spoke they can never be retrieved. The harm caused by gossip cannot be undone.'" -Rabbi Rami Shapiro from The Sacred Art of Lovingkindness
Like a drinking glass that is dropped in a home on to a hard tile floor and shatters, you cannot go back. People have long memories. Words can hurt deeply, even if what comes out of your mouth was unintentional or just in jest or not meant to be mean spirited. Words reflect our inner being and character. Our vocabulary reflects our study of the world. Words also can so uplift, encourage, compliment, and inspire too. And words can soften previously inflicted blows. Say, "I'm sorry." "Please forgive me, I didn't mean to hurt you." Mending can take place. And the three words that are most meaningful to all of us from the special people in our lives like your family, children, spouse, significant others, and wonderful friends: "I love you." Talk about putting a big smile on someone's face!
NEVER underestimate your choice of words and what words you use in each situation. Each moment you find yourself in life. Words are more powerful than the sword. They formulate the thought that preceds the action. And action is what changes the world. Good luck with your wordsmithing.
Gary, lovely post to read on a sunny Sunday morning! We are often so much more careful with our glassware than with our words. Maybe it should be the other way around?
Gary, Thank you for the Sunday morning inspiration. I appreciate it very much. Mike
Gary, this a great post. You could have stopped with the first paragraph and it would have been agood post, but then you included a wonderful illustration to reinforce your point. Sure puts down the old "sticks and stones" saying.
Gary, thanks for this great post. such a great analogy and i guess blogging is just an extension of speaking.
It's like putting helium back in a leaking balloon once out there is no going back, I love the feather pillow analogy, and will take the advice to heart. Steve
Goodness! Did you take offense at the oatmeal story?
Everyone knows I'm paranoid.
Gary, You are so right. WORDS can get us all into more trouble than anything we do.
It pays to just listen rather than speak sometimes.
GARY - This is exactly why we should be mindful of the things that we write, both in our posts and our comments, and even in e-mails, because you can't unring a bell. Good advice, Gary.
My mother always said don't write anything down that you don't want the whole world to read. At least with the spoken word, people's memories are hazy. LOL. But that doens't mean we shouldn't use care with our words. I rarely ask a seller to "drop the price," for example. I might suggest a "price adjustment."
Gary: This is a great post. In my life, I've been amazed to hear what small, insignificant things can actually hurt someone's feelings. What may seem insignificant to us, may not be to others. Gossip, of course, is just outright wrong. But there are times when we forget who we are talking to, or their situation. You can easily stick your foot in your mouth without ever knowning with some people.
I consider this my Sunday sermon. Thanks. I do wish that people also understood the pain caused by "jokes" about all manner of things. When people are making fun of classes of people or illnesses of people or religions in joke form, they never know (or maybe care) who they are hurting. Personally, I hate the jokes that you'd call "dirty".
Pat: I agree about the other way around.
Mike: You are welcome.
Steve: I thought the illustration helped.
Peter: Everything we say or write counts.
Steve: Or the toothpaste back in the tube.
Lenn: You're so funny. I loved the oatmeal story with the monks.
Kay: Open mouth, insert foot.
Keith: Two ears, one mouth.
Adam: Un-ring a bell. Very good!
Elizabeth: "Selection" of the words in describing something can be done many ways, and you choose the best words.
Chris Ann: Sometimes we think we don't hurt people, but we do. It is because we get careless with the words.
Barbara: You have good standards. We all should practice to get good in this area. What is funny to one is hurtful to another. Definitely not those good respectful values.
Gary - another great post. When I was young my mother use to try to make me feel better when somebody said something hurtful and I was wearing my feelings on my sleeves - "kids are say the meanest things". I was hopeful, and thought one day I would grow up and find a kinder world of adults...but those kids grew up with me! Some people are just plain mean....and many don't think before they speak!
Carol: We can grow older but for some they don't grow up. Why adults still act immature I have not figured it out, but as adults we are smarter than the mean ones now. Just don't let anyone bother you.. just think that they haven't developed as far as you have yet.
Words are one thing we cannot take back EVER!
Cathy: What you say is so true!!
Gary ~ So true! I have been on the receiving end of words that hurt (and from people I love too) and those words are always there in the back of your mind. I try to make a conscious effort to think before I open my mouth because I would never want to inflict that on someone I love.
Kathy: I think when we feel the "sting" of words that come at us, we learn of the pain we can inflict the other way. We just have to slow down some before we fire that barb out of our mouth. Carefully selecting the "right" word or words is important too. If we do something stupid or unintentional we owe it to the other to apologize and hopefully they can accept us again.
Gary - those hurtful scripts that we play in our own heads over and over again often come from harsh words heard in childhood. Who could have imagined their impact?
Thanks for sharing the story. That provided a nice illustration of what our words are like. My mom likes to say, Why are you talking about other people? Look at yourself and your own life first.
Gary, It is so very true, true, true... How important is to use your words to heal not hurt the world. Very deep thoughts. Thank you for the wonderful post.
Alyce: A very good point that the hurtful words in our head "hurt ourselves." This is something also to work on but their genesis was from some life experience that hurt us initially. Words do have impact, and never underestimate that.
Angela: My wife quotes that similar phrase from the bible, Don't pick the splinter out of another when you should be worrying about the board in your own eye. Gossip is terrible, and if we get caught in that we have to stop it.
Arina: I think why we know words can hurt is because they HAVE hurt all of us at one time or another. You came up with a great phrase there Arina, heal not hurt the world. That is so altruistic on your part.