I think I have this one figured out. It can help out with the long faces in real estate and society that I see entirely too often these days. It has to do with having a realistic view of what makes you happy. It's
The Lucy - Charlie Brown Effect.
It all has to do with "attachment" to an expectation. Charlie Brown attaches to the fact that he "thinks" Lucy will hold the football and he can kick it. The way the world really works is she may let him kick it or may pull the ball away.
Unhappiness comes from a death grip in your mind attaching what you think the outcome will be. To be truly happy you need to loosen the grip or let go entirely of the grip of the outcome.
This is the let the chips fall where they may strategy. You want to drive to your expected result but don't be surprised if life throws a few Lucy scenarios in your path that you don't see coming. Many say hope for the best, and expect or prepare for the worst. I might not go that extreme cause basically I'm optimistic and think you win more than you lose with the right attitude.
But practice a little "detachment" to the outcomes in your life. Think of it like planting seeds where some just do not blossom. This is disappointing of course, but you are the good gardener. Observe the wilted plants or those that don't even break the top soil and just think "isn't that interesting?" Keep planting good seeds. Afterall you're a Charlie Brown in the world. One of the good guys (or gals). You may not always get the respect or outcome you expect. But trust me, the world needs a lot more Charlie Browns. Their hearts are made of gold.
Gary - I have a little sign that illustrates what has worked for me best. The sign states one word, "SIMPLIFY."
You have a great point. I agree it is all what you make it. At least we all know it's not just us, and on Active rain we have each other to console. I am doing my best to remain optimistic. It isn't that hard once you get started.-Dinah Lee
Gary, I kind of envy those people who are able to compartmentalize their thinking. Sometimes an unplanted seed comes up when you least expect it.
Gary we are not expecting a lot..so my latest strategy is to under promise and over deliver. Then it's great to be pleasantly surprised.
Gary - I was going to point out that Charlie Brown should know by now that Lucy will NOT let him kick the football... well I guess I just did. But your point is very valid. Things don't always happen the way we plan them to, but they happen the way we need them to anyway.
As the Rolling Stones once said, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find... you get what you need!" Leave it to me to have a song lyric for my comment. Music on the brain.
Gary...basically it's just taking a bit of time a loving care to make anything grow including a relationship!
Gary....wonderful analogy....I love it and so true. Good ole common sense. I wrote a similar post....but I grumbled...your philosophy is better!
Gary, good post. However, this is sort of like doing the same thign pover and over and expecting a different result. Otherwise referred to as insanity!
We must all be a little guarded, but not to the point of fear and inaction
Bo
Gary, I've always seemed to connect with the the messy one with the dust flying around him. But, it's all good. xxoo
Gary....interesting post! I like the gardening approach. I've been saying for sometime that I have been planting lots of seeds and when they grow.....problem is, the when is taking to long. I think I'm going to have to use a different fertilizer or amend the soil, 'cuz they are not coming up like I thought they should/would!!
Gary - I like to let the chips fall. Sometimes we can obsess a little too much over things we have no control over. There is always a Lucy lurking, but I won't let Lucy control my life and keep me from trying! And, in the end Lucy was always the jerk - not Charlie Brown!
Gary,
Detachment can be a good thing. We used to say in our coaching group, buyers and seller's can smell commission breath... charge neutral and detach yourself from the outcome. This practice has helped me a lot along the way.
Thanks for your words of wisdom!
Hi Gary, I made the decision to detach myself from many of the recent events. I can't change them but I can also control my response since that is a choice. A great reminder that it is people and how e treat them that is most important.
Gary - as usual some good sound advice from you! Good man Charlie Brown (AKA Gary Woltal)
Gary, I love the way you put it: Unhappiness comes from a death grip in your mind attaching what you think the outcome will be. Obsessing over things we can't change will never help; we can hope for an outcome but we don't always get what we want...sometimes it's even better!
When I started out in this business I had a meltdown of frustration with some things and people I was working with. I realized I had to adjust my expectations if I didn't want to live my life in a state of frustration. It worked!
Myrl: SIMPLiFY can make everything a lot easier.
Dinah: We are all in this trying to find happiness together.
Richard: I know many people who are excellent at that compartmentalization of lives. Keeping ones eye open for the unexpected is good too.
Pat: Wow, a rose grew from a seed planted in you. Thanks. A pretty one too. Thanks for your kindness.
Steve: Under promise and over deliver should make you feel good at the end of the day and inevitably happy.
Chris: Great Rolling Stones lyrics and song. We get what we need.
William: Good point that for things to grow sometimes we must be patient (and kick that football or try twenty times).
Jeanean: Love the WOW graphic. Don't grumble. Life is too short for all that negative energy.
Bo: Some of us Charlie Browns do seem insane. I know with love that will do that to you.
Hello Susan: A Pig Pen fan. Plus he goes for the girl with the naturally curly hair making her a mess. This must mean you deliver chaos (and fun) Susan. So true. xxoo
Thom and Ray: I hate those slow growing seeds. I need a cure for my impatience.
Carol: I'm keeping that Lucy is a jerk thought. I feel better already.
Lynda: I like the commission breath. Kind of like telling the salesman to get the dollar signs out of the eyes. Very good.
William: It is a conscious choice to detach.
Mary: So nice to see you in the Rain. I still miss you, but I see you are still here. Stop by anytime and let us know how the teaching is going.
Hi Carole: Very nice point, that what we do finally receive is better.
Janna: Superb thought about adjusting expectations to offset frustration. That is so well put.
I like the line - 'deathgrip on our expectations'...i'm familiar with that! :) I need to practice
Gary,Always making me think... I have hard time to surrender to whatever life has in store for me: " This is the let the chips fall where they may strategy " I have to learn that.
Liz: Great graphic. Easy grip will let you not have bad feelings when Lucy pulls that ball out from under you. It is actually a very clever strategy but so not natural.
Arina: You came up with a great word with surrender. Another word I use is trust, as in trust life that you will receive what you need not always necessarily what you want.
Gary: My husband and I talk a lot about this Lucy-Charlie Brown football thing. There's a gentleman in our company that sends out overly optimistic forecasts about when the market will turn around. And most in our company wait with anticipation for that moment he has forecast, then end up like Charlie Brown...right down on their rear end. I've learned to not read too much into these emails. Doesn't mean I don't have an optimistic view point, but I continue to close deals in whatever market we're in. I don't need a magic wand to fix things so I can work. I work anyway. And, naturally, I'm doing better than most in my office. And my outlook remains positive, but realistic.
Chris Ann: I am on board similar to you with your philosophy about being optimistic, yet realistic.
Gary - I was actually talking to my wife about the key to true happiness yesterday. Since so much unhappiness is caused from having our expectations not met, I think it's important not to expect too much (or at least to try not to). Nice post, my friend.
Charlie Brown is a doofus who doesn't learn from his mistakes, Gary! :) If they fool you once, shame on them. If they fool you twice, shame on you.
Not to be a party pooper or anything.
Hi Jason: You've got that lesson with the expectations down quite well. Very good.
Hello Elizabeth: But Charlie Brown is a "trusting life" Dufus : ) Always believing in the goodness of humanity. But your point is well taken. You're not a party pooper by any means. Just a quick study. You'd probably pop Lucy in the mouth on the second time she pulled that ball away from you ;) Don't mess with Elizabeth Weintraub or you'll be sorry!! ; )
Gary,
When I first started in the mortgage business it quickly became evident that reaching the desired outcome often required many agonizing detours. Soon I learned to be more realistic which makes life so much easier.
When a person expect the bests, there's possibility to be disappointed when they don't get it... When there are no expectations, everyone's a lot happier. Good reminder to not expect and then see what each day will bring. Life is getting better already